The Joy of Giving
by em.cxcvii
Summary: Walter's internal debate on what happened during Christmas this year. Post 3x11.


**Title: The "Joy" of Giving**

 **Summary:** Walter's internal debate on the events that happened during Christmas.

 **Characters:** Walter

 **Setting:** Post 3x11

 **DISCLAIMER: All rights go to CBS and relevant parties, as I do not own Scorpion.**

 **Author's Note:** I'm actually really pissed at the Scorpion writers right now. But what bugged me the most this episode was Walter's drastic behaviour change and the fact that he took the eggnog from Toby. I mean, eggnog has alcohol. That guy doesn't drink. Something's not right.

* * *

He stared at the Christmas mug as he sank into his desk chair.

Although his eyes were focused on the snowflakes against the dark-blue backdrop, his mind was on something else.

Christmas, according to his knowledge, was the celebration of loved-ones, friends and family. The joy of giving, as Paige would say. Giving gifts, donating to the less fortunate, helping out - that's Christmas. Not this year, not today. Yes, he helped people today. But that backfired too. The man wasn't an ATF agent. He wasn't a good guy. He took Ralph away from the team.

He swivelled his chair mindlessly, still holding on to the cup of eggnog. He sighed. He practically gave the bad guy the opportunity to take Ralph. He mentally slapped himself. He should have been in the cellar. He should have kept a closer eye on Ralph. As his thoughts drifted away on what he should have done better earlier, he suddenly thought of Tim.

That fight.

All because he tried to give Tim a home, right here in his home. _That's so messed up_ , he thought. The small school desk in the garage elevator was not his intention. He told the truth. It was the last desk left in the garage. And no, he wouldn't want to waste Happy's time just to build the interloper a desk. A nice work desk. The guy wouldn't use it anyway. His ego was too high for his own good. Toby was right, Tim was more of a leader. If he were to stay in Scorpion, the team would be in chaos. No team could have two leaders. It would not work.

Tim was wrong about a lot of things, but there was something he said that was right. For once, anyway.

 _"You're still in love with her!"_

Yes, he still is. And the big problem that was so obvious was still there.

Tim knew. Tim knew that he, Walter O'Brien, was still in love with Paige. But, he chose to ignore that fact and continue to date Paige.

Maybe he should have just stuck with Veronica's plans to win Paige. Maybe he should have spoken a little louder when they had that fight way back about sabotaging her date. Maybe he should have said the truth right from the very beginning - that he remembered space, everything about it, instead of dropping hints that no one would remember.

He recalled what he said to Beth the week before.

 _"Don't worry! We've been to space and back with less preparation!"_

The whole team was there. Paige too. But no one picked it up. He didn't expect anyone to, as it was so subtle, but at the very least Toby would have said a little something. Not even a snark remark.

Nothing.

And now, it was too late to say anything.

Tim is going away to Jordan, that is a fact. If someone told him that months before, he would be ecstatic. He would probably jump around with joy and celebrate, maybe allow the cyclone to pop a champagne or two. But today, when the news is brought in with its context, it wasn't good news. The exact opposite, actually. Tim's going away to Jordan. But - terms and conditions apply (as Toby would joke) - he's going to long distance Paige, despite him telling Walter he'll "stay away from his team".

Paige.

Long-distancing.

Tim.

What has the world come to?

He set the cup of eggnog back on the desk and rubbed his temples.

Every year, Christmas just gets sadder and sadder. The first year of Christmas with the cyclone was merry, Megan was there, so was Patrick and the others. The next Christmas, Megan passed, he cried. But there was hope. He took Paige's hand. It was a subtle, sweet gesture. It didn't last, but he didn't mind. He took her hand that she offered. That was enough for him. It made his heart all warm and fuzzy, even today. This year though, was...disappointing. A Christmas getaway turned into gunmen and kidnapping. Tim leaves, but practically takes Paige from Walter in the process.

He couldn't win.

No matter how much he sacrificed, no matter how hard he tried, it almost seemed like they were like-poles of magnets.

Repelling forever.

Never together.

He sighed again, this time, burying his head on his hand on the desk, allowing him to stare at the floor. He gave up so much in attempts to win Paige. He let Tim have her in hopes that he would eventually realise that Paige didn't love him. He did not come to that realisation. He gave up Paige's trust, to allow Veronica to help him get her back. It did not turn out well and he backed out of her plans. He gave up his pride and apologised to Tim for the fight. He wasn't sure he wanted to, but he sure knew Paige would want him to do it. At the end of the day, the tone of her voice after gave away the fact that she was still angry at him. He gave her time, many many months, for her to realise herself that she loved him more than she liked Tim. She did not say anything. Just the small looks and smile, the avoidance of conversations when they got personal...She had moved on.

Maybe he should too.

He lifted his head up slowly and return his stare to the eggnog in the cup.

He lifted the cup up, then stopped. _No_ , he said in his head. _I'm not supposed to drink this._ Then, the memory of Toby drinking tequila when he was angry, frustrated and sad that Happy could not marry him. Drinking made him feel better.

He wanted to feel better. He wanted this mess to go away.

Walter's gaze returned to the cup.

 _It wouldn't hurt,_ he now say. _It wouldn't hurt as bad as what I felt today._

He wrapped his fingers around the cup. He took one last look at its contents and gave it a whiff.

There's whiskey in it, that he knew.

He lifted the cup and this time, without hesitation, he drank all of it in one shot.

The alcohol burned through his throat as he drank it, warming his body from the inside out. It wasn't as bad as drinking whiskey straight from the bottle, but it didn't taste the best.

When he placed the empty cup back down, the Christmas tree was right in his line of sight.

 _Oh the joy of giving,_ he thought. He shook his head.

In return, he got nothing.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm really sorry if this one-shot dampened your Christmas spirits. Nonetheless, hope you enjoyed! All reviews are read and appreciated :) Merry Christmas, if you celebrate :)


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